Traditional Pastimes
by Lyra Ngalia
Summary: A night at the movies sends Roy Mustang trials, tribulations, and a bit of a surprise. Mangaverse


**Traditional Pastimes**

"I can't believe I let you drag me out of the house so early," Roy Mustang muttered as he slid a handful of bills across the counter. "Two please," he said to the gangly youth working the ticket booth.

The young man peeled two tickets off the giant roll and passed them to Roy, along with the bills. "Sir, Mr. President," he stammered, "it's on the house, sir."

"Former President," Roy corrected, reaching for the tickets, "I was only Interim President, son."

"But even former presidents need to pay for their movie tickets," Riza Hawkeye interrupted, staying Roy's hand and pushing the bills back to the boy. "After all, isn't this what the new government stands for? That we are all equal as people, and no one should be given special treatment based on what they do?"

The boy's eyes got even wider as they bounced between Roy and Riza and made the connection. "Yes ma'am," he squeaked out, fumbling with the bills to make correct change.  
"Enjoy your movie, Mr. President, Madam Secretary of Defense."

* * *

"What did you do that for?" Roy complained as they entered the red velvet draped foyer of the movie theatre. "We could have gotten a free movie!"

Riza rolled her eyes and steered him towards the concession counter. "They look to _you_ as an example," she reminded him, "in _everything_. You can't just accept gifts for being what you are. What you _were_." She smiled at the red-vested woman manning the counter and said, "A medium popcorn and two bottles of pop, please." Ignoring Roy's pout, she took a bill out of her purse and paid for the refreshments, accepting the change and dropping the load into Roy's arms.

Returning to their earlier topic of conversation, Riza added, "I know if I let _you_ decide on the timetable for tonight, we wouldn't get here until the movie was half over. Now we have enough time to get popcorn and find good seats. C'mon." Without another word, she headed towards the theatre, trusting Roy to follow.

Pausing for a moment to watch the way Riza's clingy black skirt swished as she walked, Roy followed without protest, reminding himself how glad he was that their lives had finally settled down to the point where they were no longer bound by the prison of navy uniforms, where he could take Riza out to the movies and the worst that happened was they were recognized and offered free admission.

* * *

Riza had chosen the second to last row in the theatre, claiming that it was the perfect balance of distance and visibility. Roy privately wondered if they could just give up the pretense and sit in the back row, movie be damned. Still, Riza had been excited for this movie, and he suspected that she was not going to take kindly to him indulging his inner teenage boy. So, he simply agreed, setting the container of popcorn between his knees and handing her one of the two bottles as they made themselves comfortable in the plush seats.

Roy watched idly as other patrons filtered into the theatre, most of them couples, though there were a few clusters of giggling young women. When the third such group entered, he frowned and leaned over, whispering, "The ratio of men to women in this theatre worries me. Is this going to be one of those sappy movies?"

His question was rewarded with a warning glare, and Riza reached over to scoop up a handful of popcorn before answering. "Just watch the movie, Roy" she instructed, popping a fluffy kernel into her mouth. Roy groaned at her answer and slunk in his chair, ignoring the smack on the shoulder he earned as he filled his mouth with popcorn and crunched loudly.

The lights soon dimmed, and the projector began to run, showing first the newsreels that accompanied all movies. A couple of late arrivals slipped into the theatre, giggling, and settled into the last row, just behind Roy.

* * *

The pretty young heroine of the film had just met and fallen in love with the young hero when Roy draped his arm around Riza's shoulders, pulling her ever so slightly closer. Even in the dark, he could tell she was smiling as her head found its favored spot against his shoulder. Roy could already tell this movie was going to end badly; the leads were the children of feuding noble families, and he would bet his salary that _someone_ was going to end up dead. Still, he kept his mouth shut, knowing from past experience that commentary at this point in the movie was going to end up with him sporting a bruise on the shin and a whole _lot_ of frustration tonight.

Onscreen, the lovers exchanged a chaste kiss, and Roy wondered if he could get away with mimicking the characters or if Riza would push him away and tell him to watch the movie. He was about to try when the stifled giggles from behind them turned into wet sucking sounds, and Roy rolled his eyes. It was just his luck to get stuck in front of a couple of randy teenagers making out, especially when that was all_ he_ really wanted to do during this movie.

* * *

Roy sunk low in his seat as the hero made his escape at the break of day, heading into exile for killing a man, but not before he managed to scale the walls to his new bride's room. The two behind him were _still_ kissing, the girl's breathy giggles and the boy's murmured flattery Roy's own personal soundtrack to the melodrama unfolding before him. Riza seemed completely immune to it, being too absorbed in the movie, though Roy wondered how _that_ could be. The faceless couple behind him was _loud_.

Resting his cheek on Riza's hair, Roy tried to direct his attention away from the amorous duo and towards the movie. The heroine, in a death-like slumber, was being mourned by her family, and here comes the hero, breaking into the crypt where her body laid, unaware of the ruse. Roy winced as the boy declared his undying love, knowing that the heroine would wake up _just_ as her lover drank the poison. As predicted, the girl's eyes opened as he dropped against her, dead, and Roy rolled his eyes, all too aware that half of the theatre was sniffling, that even Riza was mewling against him. And there was still the sound of sloppy teenaged kissing behind him. Roy rolled his eyes as he patted Riza's shoulder in a vaguely comforting way; honestly, how could _anyone_ keep that up for so long?

As the young heroine wept over her dead lover, Roy stretched his legs in anticipation of the houselights' return, running through half a dozen things he could say to the kids behind him, from 'Get a room, you two,' to 'Hey, is that your father coming down the aisle with a shotgun?' Roy blinked in surprise as the girl onscreen spoke again, reaching for the knife around the dead boy's waist. He'd expected the movie to fade to black as she sobbed, but it seems there was more to go. His jaw dropped as the girl drove the sharp dagger point into her breast, a dark blossom of blood staining on her burial shroud as she fell over. At that, even Riza, who had only whimpered at the boy's death, brushed away fast-falling tears.

The houselights glowed as the screen faded to black, and Roy smiled down at Riza, brushing his thumb over the dampness on her cheeks. She swatted his hand away, a tremulous, annoyed smile on her face. She dragged him to these movies but still hated to let him see her cry; it was a contradiction he found endearing. He nodded and withdrew, allowing her time to recompose herself as he stood, turning to the couple behind him, who by the sound of things still hadn't figured out the movie had ended and the lights were back on.

The witty remark died on his lips when he saw the familiar blond head of the Fullmetal Shrimp, attached at the lips to his pretty, blue-eyed mechanic. Roy felt bile rise in his throat as he further noticed Edward's left hand disappearing under Winry's shirt. The moment of nausea passed quickly as he realized just what a golden opportunity the fates had dropped into his lap, and a smirk crossed his face.

"So, Edward, how'd you like the movie?" he asked as Riza took his arm. Roy's smirk deepened as Winry and Ed flew apart with an audible pop, disbelief written on their faces.

"Colonel Mustang!" Winry squeaked out, her cheeks red as she straightened the green blouse she wore.

"Winry!" Riza said in equal surprise as she glanced at the two and back at Roy. Her strengthened grip on his arm told Roy that she had figured out exactly what was going on, and he was soon going to hear about how inappropriate his behavior was. Still, the prospect didn't dampen Roy's spirits; this had been just too damned good of an opportunity to pass up.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye!" Winry squeaked again. Edward remained silent, embarrassment and anger combining to turn him nearly purple with suppressed emotion. Roy couldn't help but notice that the collar of Ed's black shirt was open, and a reddish-purple bruise was fast disappearing as Ed's complexion caught up to it. His lips twitched in laughter, a move that didn't go unnoticed by Ed, who turned another two shades darker.

With one glance at Edward, Riza nudged Roy towards the aisle. "Come on, Roy," she murmured, "we still have plans for tonight." 'And none of them involve you and Ed getting into a fight,' the admonishment came as clear as if she'd spoken it, but Roy wasn't about to argue. He knew Edward was about a hair's breath from one of his famous fits, and Roy didn't have his gloves handy to take the ginger out of the boy. "Have a nice night," Riza called over her shoulder to Winry as she and Roy reached the aisle.

* * *

Riza's iron grip on his arm didn't loosen until she had steered him out of the theatre and halfway down the block. When it finally did, Roy burst into laughter, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk holding his sides until he could breathe again. "Did you see that?" he wheezed. "Did you _see_ that, Riza?"

"Roy, why couldn't you have left them alone?" came the usual long suffering answer.

Roy shook his head, still unable to wipe the grin from his face. "Riza, you don't understand. It was as if God smiled down on me and dropped that opportunity into my lap," he protested. "They were making out the _entire time_, and Edward had his hand _up her shirt_. It was too good an opportunity to miss."

Though Riza was shaking her head, appalled, Roy noticed that a smile was tugging at her lips. "I hope Winry manages to salvage the night," she sighed as she began walking again. "As I'm sure you've completely shot Edward's libido to hell by opening your mouth."

Glued to the spot, Roy blinked rapidly as he parsed Riza's words. "I… I… I don't even want to _think_ about Edward's libido!" he protested, jogging to catch up to her. "Riza! That's disgusting!"

She grinned at him and tossed her hair over her shoulder, the flaxen strands catching the lamplight like a halo as her eyes beckoned him home. "Roy, we've got better things to do than laugh at those two for making out in the theatre."


End file.
